Doctor appt. Mon. & scans Tues.

Then a whole week of waiting for results.

I see oncologist the following week when I go in for my injection.

I see primary care doc on Mon. I really like her. I was supposed to have labs drawn this week but didn't. I had lab work 3/6, 3/11, & 3/18. Plus I am scheduled for it on Tues. 

I have been making a list of issues to discuss with PCP. 

-back pain on left side (but that will be addressed with scans: CT & bone)

-ocular migraines

-depression

-right hip weirdness: sort of gives out occasionally when I make a quick turn

I've been worrying about these appointments just because that's what I do. :) And I'm tired of always having sonething medical going on. I'll be spending most of Tues. at the hospital. I think CT is first then bone scan injection then bone scan. Have to be there at 9am and my bone scan is at 2:45. There's a nice garden area on the upper floor where I can go read while I'm waiting. I might have been able to squeeze in a PT appointment but I have one scheduled for Thurs.

Gotta II

Gotta stop watching that creepy video of the swat guy in church. Such a sad & terrifying thing. 

From comments I've read:

"Has a real cop been ruled out? because if this was some guy in a Burger King uniform, I don't think anybody would be assuming fake Burger King guy...I mean, you never know, right? But, I'm still thinking a female with a dance background of some kind and if this poor woman was beaten, (which is what I've read, but how could that be?), then they need to look at someone who was carrying a deep grudge."

"Likely Mrs. Bever showed up and scared fake police and fake police panicked.  Didn't mean to kill her but wanted to get away without being seen."

Walgreens

Yesterday as I was walking into Walgreens after my "braces" appointment (see the photo for humor) some dude coming out the doors said hi & I said hi then as I continued into the store I hear "you look good". Really?? Yeah, I look damn good in my newly adjusted braces and my aviators. Jackass! Stupid moron needs to be punched. Ha ha! Just kidding, oh wait, not really...

Ok, so my photo is not good but it's a "ticket" from my orthodontist to excuse me from school for my appointment. So funny! #imanerd #doihavespinachinmyteeth

#doyouwantorneedtobepunched

Reading with my buds

Gotta

love the word "hinky"! ;)

Along with heebie jeebies...

Still thinking/reading/obsessing about Terri Bevers murder. If you arrived at a church at 4:20am and encountered one police officer in tactical garb would you be freaked out? I would! 

So many hinky things there...

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-video-timeline-released-in-terri-bevers-death-at-texas-church/

New blog?

I'm thinking I need a new blog for random stuff like this:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Thomas_Stead

I'm reading a book called The Airmen Who Would Not Die by author John G Fuller. He wrote the Ghost of 401. Some digging into what happens after we die. Anyway, I read about Stead in the book and looked him up. Died in the sinking of Titanic. Wrote a story in 1886 about a steamer that sinks with not enough lifeboats for passengers. Hmm... Oh, and he was a Spiritualist...and...

In 1892, Stead published a story titled "From the Old World to the New",^[in which a vessel, the Majestic, rescues survivors of another ship that collided with an iceberg.

Always learning, always searching...

Prince II

Tears running down my face. I was looking on iTunes to check out Prince songs and read this review of Purple Rain:

It didn't post, eh? Dang! I'll try to find it again...

Prince

I read a comment that said :"2016 is killing my childhood!" That is exactly the feeling!

Prince was high school & MTV. Sugar Walls & Sheila E. And Julia Roberts singing Kiss.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted to one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you
Laughing in the purple rain

Cellulitis round 2

Thought I pulled a muscle in my shoulder. Nope. Woke to red arm. Right arm this time. Four hours from Indiana to hospital. Over 5 hours in ER. Long day. 

Clindamycin IV, dilaudid, US of arm to check for clot. Very happy that I was not admitted to hospital! 

This time I had much more pain. It was relentless until the dilaudid. 

Faslodex day

Or as I like to call it Faslodebt! :)

Not too bad today but I felt a bit nauseous later. 

They finally scheduled my May scans: bone & CT to recheck the lung thingies.

I almost did a happy dance when I found out that my regular nurse can access my port that day since I have to have a blood draw. The people in radiology suck at that.

Talked to a social worker about this awful, life sucking depression. 

Laugh out loud funny!

"Watch Monkey Drop Kick Unsuspecting Pedestrian To The Ground" - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2016/04/10/monkey-drop-kicks-pedestrian_n_9653662.html

I had to put the comments on here because they caused me to start laughing again!

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Billy Graham 

Owner/Auto Broker at CarWise Northwest

Simian equivalent of a drive-by...

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Jack Johnson 

Marmion Academy

Yep I know I am immature since that cracked me up

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Beh Gorie

Sorry.....I can stop laughing. It's too funny.

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William Pennat 

Fitchburg, Massachusetts

Ninja monkey....

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Luke Bogash 

Oregon Health & Science University

Marmoset Knock You Out

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Donald Baker

Oh god that's great!

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Tommie Williams 

Baylor University

Monkeying around.

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Oh almost forgot...

Went shopping a couple of weeks ago. Ended up almost in tears because nothing fits (i.e. Nothing cute) on my ugly fucking arms. Big big bummer! I wear short sleeves most of the time because of the hot flashes. Sometimes it just fucking sucks! But I'm thankful I have it in my arms and not my legs.

What I forgot before...

I was writing the earlier post and  forgot what I was going to add. I think I do have chemo brain. I can't concentrate in a noisy room snd I absolutely can't remember shit unless I write it down and then sometimes I can't remember what the notes were about! Yep #mylife #waitijustgotuptododomething #cant rememberwhatiwasgoingtotellyou

Anyway, I'm feeling stuck. I see on the evil Facebook that all of my friends have either married or had kids. I'm happy for them but geez! I keep waiting for my life to begin but cancer keeps crashing the party. (Autocorrect helped me with that gem!) I feel like they have all moved on but me. It's hard to "go big or go home" when you hardly have the funds to actually leave home. I feel my inner optimist inside but way deep inside traumatized by everything I've gone through. I honestly cannot think of one thing I'm looking forward to, not one thing I'm excited about. And that sucks more than anyone can ever know...

Kurt Cobain

I watched Soaked in Bleach the other night. I recommend it. It brings up some interesting questions. I think two of the most defining/traumatic deaths of my youth were River and Kurt. They are my "park bench" people. If you got to sit on a bench with anyone...

Anyone reading this?

Does anyone read this? Just checking. Curious. I started this blog for myself to document this "thing". I've been pretty honest about how I feel. I'm probably talking to myself here also😄

Send me a message  if you read this.

Ups and downs

 Some days I feel absolutely great and others I can barely function because I'm so tired. I hate this! I want the optimistic me back! I rarely get excited by anything and I feel there is nothing to look forward to. I'm bored. I want to get a job but how can I fit a job in with my appointments? My grandmother might need someone to stay with her and I feel that certain relatives think I should do it since I'm doing nothing. Ah, but my mother never tells them about infections that put me in the hospital; surgeries for new tumors; ER visits for cellulitis in my arm, etc. I'm honestly doing the best I can. It's hard to "live life to the fullest" when I don't give a shit.

I am trying. I thought that since my arms are something out of a nightmare that I'd do other things to distract from the arms. I bought makeup. And sunglasses. And a few cute items of clothing. Sometimes I curl my lashes and apply mascara. I have BB creams, CC creams, serums, eyeliners, blush, concealer, brushes, etc. But I've found that if my attitude says Badass then that's all that matters! Kick-ass jeans with Walmart cushy shoes and I'm a rockstar in my own mind. Who cares about the rest of y'all?!

The bags under my eyes show my fatigue & my age. How is it that guys with eye bags are attractive (see Peter Scanavuno) but women seek to cover?I'm still trying to understand concealer.

Meanwhile my mother's best friend is dealing with ovarian cancer that has apparently spread. It hurts because at the beginning of her treatment she said If I could do it she could too. She said she looks up to me. I wish I could cure her.