Ok, this drain is...

starting annoy me! They usually hurt where the tube is stitched to the skin. The tube pulls out slightly and the stitches pull on the skin. This time I sprayed it with Bactine and pushed the tube in back in until there was no tension on the stitches. But there is an area towards the midline of my body, almost next to my sternum that hurts sometimes. When it happens it's just a non-stop dull pain. I'm thinking that it's from shifting when I drive my car. I suspect it's the end of the drain pressing on something. Last time I was able to trace where the drain tube was because I could feel it under my skin. This pain is relentless when it happens and only seems to be in that small inch (or so) area. Nothing that makes me want to cry but it's annoying. :(

PS office

This is what the waiting area at the plastic surgeon's office looks like. Very nice in there!

And the exam rooms:

Clot

I am one who likes gross things. A science nerd.🔬 A vet tech who regularly ate lunch while observing a surgery. A vet tech who laughed at maggot jokes while picking maggots off a dogs butt. One who gathered around to watch the opening of an abscess or an exploratory surgery. Well, I almost met my match yesterday!
Warning: "yuckiness" follows...;-)

The grenade/bulb part of my drain had been collecting clotty looking yuck around the top where the fluid drains into the bulb. It wasn't clogging the tube but it bugged me so several times I folded the bulb upward to try to dislodge it. Normally I just have to leave it there until the thing is removed. Not a big deal. Yesterday for some reason, it plopped into the bottom of the bulb. Eww! It almost made me gag! Big blob of blood clot & tissue. I thought I'd be carrying it around in there until my appointment next Friday. Time to empty bulb, I gave it an extra squeeze and it came out. Whew! As I flushed it down I thought  "should have taken a pic..." 😸

Port flush

On Wed. I had to go in for a port flush and to have labs drawn for my upcoming oncology appointment. I absolutely hate going into the chemo room for the port flush! Makes me very sad! 

As usual the nurse sprays the numbing spray, inserts that evil looking needle and flushes saline in. Then she draws my blood tubes and flushes again followed by heparin to prevent clotting. Oh the taste of saline! That is still a bizarre thing to me. 😝

Traditional Chinese Medicine

Mom & I went to a talk at Gilda's Club on Tuesday evening. The woman is new to town & she's a TCM practitioner. I was kicking myself the entire night that I didn't stick with my schooling at Southwest Acupuncture College in Boulder. Five weeks opened my eyes to an entirely new way of thinking. Funny, I wanted to study TCM to help cancer patients. That was in 2005. Who knew?

During my application interview the dean of the school told me there were not many acupuncturists in Michigan. The other night I learned there are about 170 in the entire state while Manhatra has approximately 800!

Hospital library

I had been to the Warren Reynold's library at the Metro Cancer Center but just checked out the one at St. Mary's Lacks Cancer Center yesterday. Wow! Lots of great info. Handouts to take home & books that can be checked out.

I was looking for BRCA info because I need to send it to someone. I found info on healthy eating and DVDs about chemo, rads, the cancer center. 

Another 100 mls

PS added more fluid to my expander yesterday. Slowly getting there...I see her again next week. Still have the drain in but it's not bothering me too much. I found that NexCare has a tegaderm bandage that works well over the drain site without the irritation of paper tape. Too bad you only get 6 bandages for $7.99.

I do feel the needle a bit this time during my fills. Mostly the area is numb and probably always will be along with my armpits & the back of my arms. No biggie, just have to be careful. I had a nasty irritated spot from tape that happened because I couldn't feel it. Same with shaving my underarm (hair only grows on the left side because the right was so burnt by radiation). I can't feel the razor or the wax (that's fabulous!) 😉

Not a full moon...

When I went for physical therapy yesterday the therapist made a comment about how it just had to be a full moon because of all the crazy stuff happening there: messed up appointment times, strange people, etc.

After my drainage massage she asked if I wanted to try the stockinette that she had found last week. The box looked ancient but the fabric itself looked worth a try plus it had its own compression. There were two sizes so she tried the smaller one first. I was helping her pull it up my arm when my fingers slipped and I punched myself in the nose! Ow! It crunched & hurt but it was funny too. No blood, no foul. She made sure I was ok and then we both cracked up! She said "See! Full moon!" I said "Great! Now not only am I wearing a hat because my hair is a mess; I have a drain hanging off my side; my arm is wrapped; AND I punched myself in the nose!" Too funny! Nose seems ok but maybe a bit swollen at the tip. Ah, ya gotta laugh!😄

Ooh ouch!!

Thought I'd get out for a few hours of thrift store browsing this afternoon. I took my jacket off in the store and apparently I put it back on too fast because I suddenly had intense pain in the expander/area around expander. Maybe a 7 on my pain scale. Made me feel dizzy for a few minutes and the pain is still lingering. I'm waiting for Valium & Norco to kick in so I can take a nap.

My mom was all concerned. I looked down my shirt once we got in the car & told her that I didn't see any blood from the incision. In my mind: no blood, no foul. In her mind: what about the sutures inside. 😁 Oh.

PS post op appointment

Drain had to stay in but the nurse cut off part of the line to make it shorter. Nice!

I got a fill today: 100mls. The doc said "We're going to pump you up!"😄

Next fill next Thursday. 

Waiting room/reception area:

Hair

My hair has always been straight & fine. During chemo I had no hair. It grew back in and was slightly curly until my first haircut. Then it was straight. Then it was suddenly wavy/frizzy a couple of months ago. Odd. I'm on Arimidex which is an estrogen blocker; I'm on Ativan which is an anti depressant. As far as I know Arimidex can make people lose hair but nothing about changing texture. Could this be a good side effect??😄

Non profit

I have been giving some serious thought to starting a non profit organization to provide lymphedema garments to people who can't afford them. I need to do some research and see what it requires.
Another idea would be to help a local woman with breast cancer by offering support: rides, sitting with during chemo, babysitting, meals, housecleaning, errands, etc.

Magnesium & Vitamin E

Whew! I'm able to take my vitamins once again. They had me stop everything except Ativan & Effexor the week prior to surgery. Hello hot flashes! I think the magnesium & Vit. E supplements help more than just Effexor. The hot flashes were so bad I was dripping sweat while waiting in my wheelchair at the hospital on Thurs. I also woke in the night drenched in sweat. Ha ha! Just like the "old days" after chemo.

Feeling good!

I'm just kind of tired. Typical after surgery.  Chest is very sore around edges of expander. Drainage is much clearer so I'm hoping it will be ready to come out at my appointment on Fri. 

Hoping for no infection! I'm on antibiotics but the last infection didn't happen until well after the drain was out. We never got an answer from the culture so no clue about what caused it. 

Four weeks

According to my discharge instructions: no running, biking, swimming, yoga, or Pilates for 4 weeks. 

I can feel the "sloshing" of the saline today when I bend over. That's good, must mean the swelling has gone down. I  had forgotten how the edges of the expander go almost into the armpit. Everything is looking good! Showered today and I don't think I got the little foam disc wet. They put that disc around the drain tube where it comes out of my skin. It covers the stitches holding the tube in place. I usually get it wet and then have to remove it. Then comes the covering the area with gauze squares and skin irritating tape. So far so good. Drain? I got this!😄

Surgery

Yesterday was pretty routine. We had to park in the ramp and that always causes stress. ;-)

Then the mad rush down the hallways to the cancer center surgical area. Signed the consent and then was taken back to my cubicle/room to put in the gown and get settled in. It's funny that I've been there so often that I recognize some of the nurses.

The nurse started the IV in a vein in my hand. They usually inject lidocaine first to numb the area & the lidocaine stings. That nurse was good! I don't even have a bruise today!

I saw the anesthesiologist who talked fast and with a foreign accent. The nurse anesthetist, surgical nurse, & doctor all came in to say hi. I got my prep nurse to give me an Emend tablet to help prevent nausea.

This time I was wide awake when they wheeled me into the OR and positioned me on the table. Then I was in recovery and then back to my cubicle/room to eat cookies, drink Coke, and get dressed.

Waiting to leave...

Wellbutrin

While I'm awake I thought I'd mention that PC doc put me on Wellbutrin in addition to the Ativan and Effexor. I stopped taking it last week. The side effects were terrible. Dry mouth and memory problems. The memory issue was the worst! I'd be talking and suddenly not be able to think of the words I wanted to use or I'd completely forget what I was talking about in the middle of a sentence. Scary! 😬

Awake at 5am

Just woke up and emptied my drain again. The doctor told me she'd use a smaller sized drain this time. We'll see how that goes...maybe less irritating & less painful??

I was having weird dreams. Probably the Norco. Just took two more pills & I'm going to eat some crackers and pretzels. Earlier I think I caught my "nurse" trying to lick the pretzels. She may have succeeded but oh well...:)

Another pair of socks...

I'm happy that I'm spending tonight in my own bed with only my feline nurses waking me up! No BP checks. No alarms going off. No IV drip. Just the "how bad is your pain, 1-10?" test as Nurse Callie walks on me. More later...

Pain test with the "nurse"

My 5th or 6th pair of puke brown hospital socks.

I really like this...

http://lisabadams.com/2014/10/22/things-tied-pink-ribbon-breast-cancer-done/

I wish I had the energy of my youth.
I wish I had the body.
I wish I had the fearlessness, the spunk, the drive.

I wish I could have a conversation with that young girl,
bright-eyed and full of wonder.
I wish I could tell her what lay ahead.

I wish I could tell her to gather strength, and wisdom, and patience like a squirrel gathering acorns for the winter.
“Save those things up,” I’d say, “you are going to need them… every last bit.”
I wish I could share the perspective I’ve gained along with all of the love.

But I can’t go back to that time,
I can’t go back to that place.
I can’t rewrite what’s happened,
I can’t do it all again.

My first diagnosis with breast cancer took its toll on me and I was quite sure I would never, ever be the same.
I had no way to know then that “never, ever the same” would mean something worse, something fateful, a juggernaut.

I told myself “they’re only breasts.”
I said, “I don’t need ovaries, I’m done having children.”
But that obscured the truth.
The truth is that it did matter,
They do matter.
They said my uterus was atrophied.
It almost sounded funny when they said it.

“Who cares? What does that matter?”
It did. It does. It will.
At the time, to get rid of all hormones was thought to give me a better chance at avoiding a recurrence, but there was a price to be paid.
No estrogen mattered more than I ever thought it could.

It felt worse than taking injections to suppress my ovaries, worse than taking Tamoxifen.
Those were easy.
I had no clue what was ahead.

I wore the skirt, I put the makeup on, I walked the walk.
But I did not feel like a woman anymore.
I most certainly do not feel like much of one now.

Make no mistake, I am proud of what this body has done for me.
My three children top the list.
But now I must focus on some of its cells,
now malignant,
throughout this body,
growing at a horrific pace.

My body has now become a personal science experiment.

Sometimes, when things are going well, you could look at me and have no earthly clue.
You see,
Beneath the pretty lies ugly,
the ugly truth of cancer
and what it has taken from me.

While some may be able to go on,
move on,
forget,
I cannot.
My body will not let me.

These things are not tied with a pink ribbon.

These things last longer than a month.
This is part of awareness.

This is just a part of what breast cancer can do.
This is just a part of what breast cancer has done to me.

This is part of what can happen
Even with early detection and treatment.
This is what can happen even years later.
This is why people should not prematurely claim victory.

This is why you are not necessarily safe.
This is what breast cancer could do to you.

This is how what some think they have “beaten”or “bid goodbye to” can still
kill.

This is what it will do to me.

--Lisa Bonchek Adams

Lisa Bonchek Adams

I followed her on Twitter. It was a shock to hear of her death.

http://lisabadams.com/2015/03/07/in-memorium/

Marking appointment

Getting ready for Thursday's expander do-over. At PS waiting for doctor to arrive to color me up with markers on my right side.