Rollercoaster

This cancer thing is quite the series of ups and downs. I get SO irritated by the Cancer Center commercials on TV! And one of the local news stations always has some story about a cancer patient! Cancer is like the monster under the bed. Sometimes I don't think about it and sometimes it crawls out and I have to face it. I think of those cancer cells still lurking in my armpit area.  I was taking a couple of supplements that I found out were not good for someone with my type of cancer. I panicked and tossed 'em, completely freaked out that I had taken them for 2 weeks and I could imagine the cancer cells rejoicing! I feel pretty good these days. I'm still tired quite often but I'm sure with the warmer weather I'll want to get out and exercise. I have my ups and downs with the whole "positive thinking". There are some weeks when I need to be negative, put it into a low gear and just chill out by myself. I have my pity party and move on.
I tried to explain to my mom about how hard it is after treatment. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief that it's over, whew! But it's not over for me. I deal with it daily. If I talk about it I come across as being wimpy/needy. So when asked how I'm doing it is always " fine".

New foam sleeve

I decided to finally buy another type of sleeve to wear on my arm at night. I got this one from BiaCare for $150. It came with a cotton liner that I put on my arm then the foam sleeve and there's an over sleeve that adds compression.

Upcoming appointments

So I have an oncologist appointment Apr.16 and a surgeon appointment Apr. 17. I am scheduled for a mammogram on the 17th. I see that as kind of pointless since I'll be having that breast removed anyway. I guess it's a check for cancer so I'll do it. I'm anxious about reconstruction. I'm really hoping it can happen but I'm preparing myself for the worst. Then I have to decide if I want to do the lat flap procedure with the loss of some range of motion. Or should I not have any recon and live with no boobs?? I was discussing this with a guy friend last week. I told him that if I can't have reconstruction then I'll get a really cool tattoo. He said "Yeah some of those tattoos are awesome!" Or I could have only the right breast reconstructed. Maybe my skin has healed enough from the radiation and it will be OK...
So...if I don't have recon can I go topless??? Ha ha!

Any suggestions? What would you do?